While it should be obvious from my first post on this subject that I regard the helping relationship and the skills appropriate to it as the dominant theme of leadership, there are subdominant themes that support it and, in my opinion, are just as important.  So in this second part of the blog, let me briefly “whistle a few of those melodies.”

1. A good leader needs to know how and when to delegate responsibility.  The question is, Who is best qualified to do this task? It’s easy to live by the maxim, “if you want this done right, do it yourself,” and to soon find oneself doing too much and doing it poorly. I observed recently just such a leadership style and the destructive results, both for the program and the leader himself. It’s also simple and comfortable to let someone else do the work—no one can do everything. Where does one draw the line, find the balance? If you’re looking for an easy answer, I don’t have one, but the question won’t go away just because it’s difficult and a leader ignores it to her own peril and to the damage of those around her.
2. A good leader also needs to develop some sense of when to fight and when to retreat. Confronting conflict is inevitable in a leadership role and calls for mutual respect, the freedom to disagree, adherence to the golden rule, and sensitivity to the progress of the dialogue. While nothing is more basic than the defense of ultimate values, nothing is more wasteful than persisting in a mired conversation that is likely to lead to no resolution. Sometimes it’s best to “fold ‘em and walk away”—either because the conversation needs to take a deep breath before coming back another day or because the debate has reached an impasse that calls for clarifying the issue or redefining the goal.
3. I would also affirm the importance of knowing how and when to give praise or criticism when it is due and to be supportive in either one. Affirmation is the “staff of life” to everyone’s ego—we all need it—and yet it may be the practice most neglected by persons in leadership roles. A single supportive comment can stimulate more work-oriented incentive than a battery of provocative issues. And yet, supportive criticism is an equally rare commodity. When a person or group has made a mistake or performed incompetently, the leader faces the difficult task of pointing this out in a creative and constructive way. Everyone has had to face up to failure at some point and that needs to be acknowledged as fertile ground for learning from it. Any creative venture runs the risk of failure but the absence of supportive acceptance of that reality from a leader is guaranteed to stifle the creative thinking and risk-taking that form the foundation of a vital and productive community.
4. Finally, there are times when every leader is required to say “No” to a proposed venture or initiative: sometimes because it hasn’t been developed sufficiently or collaboratively with other stakeholders to give it a reasonable chance of success; or because the proposal is similar to or runs counter to another project of which the person is unaware; and, sadly, sometimes because the leader knows that the person making the proposal doesn’t have the requisite skills and/or has a track record of other projects that have “died on the vine” from distraction or loss of enthusiasm.

Whatever the reason, it is possible to say “no” without belittling or demeaning the recipient of such a disappointing response. That may take the form of

• suggesting “going back to the drawing board” while offering constructive suggestions;
• or proposing “joining forces” with others working on a similar idea;
• or asking that the proposal be developed with specific goals, a timetable for activating them, and a follow-up conversation to assess progress.

However it is done, a successful leader must find his/her own way of saying “no” in constructive, not destructive, ways.

In conclusion, let me reiterate that these remarks and recommendations aren’t meant to constitute some sort of semi-comprehensive “manual” or guidebook for being a good leader and I do not claim to have the expertise to produce such a document.  They are simply some selective reflections on what I have observed and experienced as seen through the “filters” of my own judgments. I believe in what I have said even though, over my own career, my reach often exceeded my grasp. Hopefully, they will serve as the basis for your own deliberations, arguments, disagreements, and conversations. If so, they will have served their intended purpose.