It’s probably fair to assume that some who might stumble across this topic may have opened this first post, motivated primarily by idle curiosity, as in, “why would anybody take the time to write about such an admittedly ‘fuzzy,’ but also ‘flimsy,’ topic?” It’s a fair question, at least on the surface. And the answer—for this blog topic as well as for a host of others among the eighty or so that I have posted—lies in the simple fact that sometimes an idea, a topic, or a subject occurs to me and causes me to “wonder” about it in some way that won’t allow me to dismiss it—it’s what I call getting “a termite in my brain.” And so I begin to think, read, explore, research, and, if all that turns out to be productive, eventually I start to write. And, after multiple edits, additions, deletions, “cuts-and-pastes,” here we are!

Since the topic itself suggests some possible confusion or ambiguity is lurking, let me begin with some unequivocal, transparent clarity. And that is simply to declare that both sympathy and empathy are, for me, profoundly important qualities, actions, and behaviors. When sincerely offered to and felt for another person, they are to be admired and commended.

            Now, I will be like that preacher I have referenced before who was said to have “taken his text, departed from it, and never came back to it.” Because despite my unequivocal support for and admiration of both sympathy and empathy, both terms are often confused or misused. Sometimes that is because individuals simply choose to use them interchangeably and/or have not bothered to distinguish between them. And that issue is potentially complicated by the fact that even authoritative sources—i.e. dictionaries, assuming one consults them—don’t always define them in the same way. So that’s the first matter to explore.  Although there may be some who see this as an overly-picky “tempest in a teapot,” I believe it’s important—at least for the remainder of this blog—to resolve the issue for the purpose of maintaining some clarity regarding the meaning and use of these two terms.

Appropriate definitions and usage of the terms

Although the etymology of the two terms—both based in the Greek word pathos, referring to feelings or emotion—is not at issue, even a cursory look at the various definitions of “sympathy” and “empathy” reveals what I would regard as a critical and fundamental disagreement on the distinction between them. For example, the following is drawn from the Merriam-Webster Dictionary:

“Sympathy, is used when one person shares the feelings of another, as when one experiences sadness when someone close is experiencing grief or loss. Empathy differs from sympathy in carrying an implication of greater emotional distance. With empathy, you can imagine or understand how someone might feel, without necessarily having those feelings yourself.

Sympathy is when you share the feelings of another; empathy is when you understand the feelings of another but do not necessarily share them” (emphases mine).

And, interestingly, that definition of the terms was echoed in a quotation from the Journal of the American Medical Association:

“The act or capacity of entering into or sharing the feelings of another is known as sympathy. Empathy, on the other hand, not only is an identification of sorts but also connotes an awareness of one’s separateness from the observed” (24 May 1958).

Now look at the definitions as provided by the Oxford English Dictionary (OED):

And the following observations are drawn from an article entitled, “Sympathy vs. Empathy – Definitions from Grief Experts (Grief and Sympathy, website)

They suggest that sympathy says “I feel for you,” while empathy declares “I feel with you.” In general, they continue, empathy is usually described as the deeper of the two feelings.  We express our sympathy to another person, but usually don’t really know how they are feeling. Sympathy, then, can be expressed by anyone. You may never have lost anyone yourself, or know what it would feel like, but you can express your sympathy. But empathy is a much deeper form of sympathy, where you really feel what the other person is experiencing.  Empathy usually comes from a shared experience, and you have an idea of what the person is going through. 

And Neel Burton, M.D., in an article in Psychology Today, affirms the same point of view:

“Sympathy . . . is a feeling of care and concern for someone . . . accompanied by a wish to see him better off or happier. . . . However, sympathy, unlike empathy, does not involve a shared perspective or shared emotions . . . . Empathy can be defined as a person’s ability to recognize and share the emotions of another person . . . . It involves, first, seeing someone else’s situation from his perspective, and, second, sharing his emotions. Sympathy and empathy often lead to each other, but not always.”

“For me to share in someone else’s perspective, . . . . I must . . . imagine myself as him in the particular situation in which he finds himself. I cannot empathize with an abstract or detached feeling . . . .As John Steinbeck wrote, ‘It means very little to know that a million Chinese are starving unless you know one Chinese who is starving.” (“Empathy vs. Sympathy,” May 22, 2015, revised April 27, 2020)

Perhaps enough said about definition and usage of these terms, but just in case it isn’t obvious where I come down on the issue, I would agree with what psychologist Judith Hall of Northeastern University wrote in Scientific American last year, and reported by Richard Fisher in an article from BBC Future, In Depth/Psychology (October 1, 2020), entitled “The surprising downsides of empathy.”

“Empathy is a fundamentally squishy term. Some see it as the ability to read their fellow human beings, or simply feeling connected to people, while others see it as more of a moral stance about showing concern for others. Even researchers disagree when they are studying it.”

Still, despite the conceptual squishiness, most people view empathy as having something to do with understanding what other people are going through and being concerned about them . . . .

And, I would add, generally based on a shared experience that allows you to “put yourself in the other person’s shoes.”

A list of sources consulted/cited will be appended to the final post of this blog.

In the next post, we will move on to another important element:

The role of sincerity in expressing either sympathy or empathy

I hope you will stay with me.

March 22, 2021